Joseph Franklin Adams, Sr. (1923-2007)
My grandfather passed away last night after a long battle with Alzheimer’s, Parkinson’s, and a variety of other ailments. He was 84, and very nearly made it to 85–his birthday was just 22 days away.
For the past year and a half or so, he’s been living in a nursing home, after spending the prior five years living with me. After my grandmother died last year, it became impossible to take care of him on my own, since he couldn’t be left alone, so after a brief stint a really terrible place, I got him placed in the Menlo Park Veteran’s Home in Edison, NJ. That place was a godsend, and I’m very thankful he was able to spend the rest of his days there, with those good people taking care of him.
His death was not a shock; a few weeks ago, the doctors had talked to me about his quality of life (or lack thereof), and discussed his advanced directive options. Over the past several months, he’d deteriorated considerably. I used to be able to visit him and he’d know me, and could talk a bit, and boy did he look forward to going outside with me so he could have a cigarette. But a couple months ago, at some point, it was like a switch going off–there didn’t seem to be any medical event that the doctors could point to as the cause, but just like that, my grandfather–the man I knew growing up–seemed to be completely gone, and in his place was a man who looked just like him (albeit much thinner) but had none of the other qualities that made him who he was.
Because I was prepared for this eventuality, his death was easier to take. I had lost him bit by bit, until eventually, there was nothing left to lose.
John Picacio
12:49 pm Jan-1-2008JJA — My thoughts go out to you this morning. I’ve seen you discuss your grandfather here and there and I think I’ve even seen some pics you’ve posted of him. Hang in there, man.
Samantha Ling
12:53 pm Jan-1-2008I’m sorry to hear that.
*much huggage*
Chris Cevasco
1:56 pm Jan-1-2008John,
I’m really so sorry to hear this. My thoughts are with you.
Chris
Mallory
2:36 pm Jan-1-2008What a lovely send off message. Take good care of yourself as you deal with all of this.
Mary Robinette Kowal
2:51 pm Jan-1-2008I’m sorry for your loss, whether it happened bit by bit or all at once.
Steve Buchheit
3:07 pm Jan-1-2008John, my condolences on your loss.
I lost my Grandmother this way five years ago. Fortunately my Mom was able to take care of her (with in-home nurses thanks to my uncle) all the way till the end. I was fortunate that I recognized where she was headed early and could make my peace with her when I knew she still recognized who I was. The last six months she pretended to know who I was, she had spent years practicing that trick. All the time after that point was just gravy. Including talking with her during those last days when she couldn’t speak coherently.
Mom
4:48 pm Jan-1-2008What better way to honor your grandfather (and also your grandmother since i just read your tribute to her) than you have done here. They both loved you very much and I know in my heart that you were much more than a grandson to them. I will always cherish their memory in my heart since i was more daughter than daughter-in-law to them. Grandpa is now at peace, without pain, and with your grandmother and your father. God bless you for being the son and grandson that you are and will always be.
Lisa VannAusdle
11:56 am Jan-2-2008Dear John, You know pure energy does not die. I felt this when my father passed. I could fell him above me, in the room, for a little while. It was only at that moment, I actually believed what I was taught, in our religion. Before that time it was pure faith. Try to remember this, when you are missing the flesh. Another thing, your mother is one of the strongest people I have ever meet!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Lean on her when nessessary, believe me she can handle it. HANG IN THERE BROTHER, Love Always, your cousin Lisa.
Grant Stone
2:43 am Jan-5-2008John,
I’m so sorry to hear of your loss. My thoughts are with you.
Scott Marlowe
11:28 am Jan-7-2008Sorry to hear of your loss. My grandfather is of a similar age (82), but still going strong. That’s a great photo, by the way. My grandfather just showed me one of him just following the Battle of the Bulge. He’s in his fatigues, carbine in one hand, a bombed out wall behind him. It’s a stark reminder of what people of his generation went through.