EXCERPT: So Juicy Transforming Strips by Matt Williamson

Matt Williamson’s stories have appeared in a variety of literary journals, magazines, and books—most recently Bat City Review, Nightmare Magazine, and the anthology Fakes from W.W. Norton. He is also the executive editor of the literary journal Unstuck.

So Juicy Transforming Strips


Funded! This project will be funded on Jan 27.


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The project will be funded on Jan 27, 2079 8:57am EDT.

Tired of spoxy drainage? Together, we can “heal and reveal”!

Let Them Weep!

So Juicy offers a breakthrough solution to the embarrassing problem of spoxy drainage. Instead of sealing off blent mouths, So Juicy strips let them weep, transforming their odors into a variety of appealing scents.

A Revolution in Odor Control

For the most part, mass-market spoxy drainage containment pouches have not lived up to their manufacturers’ promises. While some users have experienced positive outcomes with these products, the truth is that for the vast majority of spoxy sufferers, the pouches are painful to wear and do not effectively control odor.

The reasons are both simple and widely understood: containment material cannot prevent drainage without trapping weepings in spoxy stalks and blent mouths, causing inflammation and increased risk of infection. When the pouches’ material starts to dissolve, the odor is many times worse than it would otherwise have been.

In place of this “seal and conceal” approach, So Juicy offers a strikingly fresh “heal and reveal” strategy. Instead of suffocating active mouths, our strips allow them to breathe and drain, transforming their telltale eggy effusion into pleasing fragrances. Unlike the leading brands of pouches, So Juicy products will work equally well for any spoxy sufferer, and will never agitate your blent.

About Us

We’re a happily married professional couple living in Houston, Texas. Kellsy is a former petrochemical engineer; Vancouver was previously a meat flavorist at Hearthwood.

We met more than ten years ago in a spoxy support group, and we remain an active part of the community both locally and on the web. (You may have read some of Vancouver’s posts on the community blog at SafeSkin.org. If you haven’t: go read them now! ☺)

Like many of you, we have been frustrated—even angered—by the inadequacies of the commercially available products purporting to contain spoxy odors. In 2077, we decided to do something about it. Vancouver left Hearthwood to begin researching and developing a new line of drainage control products. Six months later, Kellsy joined the project—and So Juicy was born.

The Insight

In the course of our research, we discovered that many of the chemicals commonly used to flavor machine-separated meat were quite effective at cloaking the odor signatures associated with weeping spoxy. And like all approved food additives, these commercial flavorings were both blent-friendly and allergen-free.

Using a modified feline gelatin base and a proprietary fragrance mix, we developed and tested our lightweight, inexpensive strip.

The Scents

During rollout, So Juicy strips will be available in the following scents:

  • His Spice (a cologne-like fragrance)
  • Her Pride (a citrusy, potpourri-like fragrance)
  • Mountain Chive
  • Banana Pudding
  • Potato

We are continually testing other fragrances. Contingent on first-year sales, retail orders, and the success of this campaign (!), we hope to introduce as many as a dozen So Juicy scents by 2081.

Privacy Guaranteed—At Home and In Public

Because we firmly believe that your body and your spoxy are nobody’s business but your own, So Juicy strips are kill-stamped for all wireless networks. Each strip’s low-frequency, blent-safe kill signal lasts for roughly thirty-four hours after the initial application.

Join Us

All early backers will receive coupons redeemable for So Juicy products. Additionally, by backing us at the Platinum and Diamond levels, you will become eligible to receive samples of new So Juicy scents before they are commercially released.

More importantly, you’ll be helping millions of spoxy sufferers find an affordable new path to SRO relief. Dignity is everyone’s birthright, but you deserve more; you deserve to feel—and smell—beautiful.

 


~ END EXCERPT ~

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