A Canticle for Slushowitz

Found in the inbox of the Holy Blog:

"Ode to Slush Readers"
by Tony Hellmann

It comes in crates, of increasing weights,
You cannot slow it’s rush.
With pen in hand, and no evening plans
You prepare to tame the slush.

The first cover letter says it all:
The author wants to be famous,
But he had his novel spiral bound;
What an ignoramus.

The second author cannot write,
His usage and spelling are poor.
He notes this in his cover page:
"That’s what I need an editer for."

The next one is promising: a new idea,
But no S-A-S-E,
That’s okay; less work for you.
Her rejection saves a tree.

This one starts out: "Dear Mr. Jones,"
And the cover letter is stellar!
You roll your eyes and shake your head
Your boss’s name is "Ms. Heller."

Your eyes are crossed, your interest lost
But you’re paid for this, you know.
If the next fifty stink, it’s okay
Just two hundred more to go.

At last, a submission excites you,
With a gripping, original style.
You know your boss will want this one
And that makes your job worthwhile.

Copyright 2004,
Tony Hellmann
Used with permission.